Fresh

Dear Ask

I'm concerned about the quality of my tap water, and I don't really trust store-bought water either, so I'm trying to make properly fresh water in my kitchen by combining hydrogen and oxygen in a blender. It starts out OK at first, but then the blender explodes.

Has anyone had any luck making fresh water in their kitchen blender? What brand of blender would you recommend?

Dear X,

Are you aware that the hydrogen you're using is most likely derived from tap water in the first place?

Dear Ask,

I'm attempting to use my backyard particle accelerator to make fresh hydrogen and oxygen from protons, neutrons, and electrons. I've had some success with hydrogen, but whenever I try to make oxygen, the accelerator explodes and I have to change identities and move to a new country.

Has anyone had any luck making fresh oxygen in their accelerator? What kind of magnetic coils would you recommend?

Dear X,

Again, I must point out that the protons, neutrons, and electrons you are using come from a decidedly non-"fresh" atomic source. Please just drink a high-quality mineral water brand.

Dear Ask,

I'm attempting to use a subatomic forge located in a nearby galactic cluster to precipitate fresh quarks out of the quantum foam. I've had some success with up quarks, but whenever I try to make down quarks, the fabric of reality folds in upon itself and I have to move to a new parallel reality.

Has anyone had any luck making fresh down quarks in their subatomic forge? Also, do you know of a reliable supplier of pure neutronium rods by the light year?